Tribal drums are beating all over Quebec. Can you hear them ? The natives are restless. They are covered with blue and white war paint. They dance around the raging fires of nationalism.

And on the fire is a large pot. Inside the pot are two victims, an allophone and an anglophone.

The chief asks : “What do you choose ? Death ? Or Booga booga ?”

The allophone innocently answers : “I don’t want to die. So I’ll take Booga booga.”

The anglophone watches in horror as the allophone is dragged into the centre of the group. There he is violated for hours in an unspeakable manner. He is left panting and gasping in the bushes.

Eventually the chief asks the anglo : “What it will be, death, or Booga booga ?”

Holding on to his last shred of dignity the anglo defiantly declaims : “Death !”

“Fine,” says the chief. And then yells so all may hear : “Death by Booga booga !”

I love that joke. And for those of you who are offended, I love that too. But I simply don’t know of any better way to describe what’s going on in Quebec these days.

First there is that contest to find out who has the smallest mind, the xenophobic follies known as The Reasonable Accomodation Commission, or as I like to call it : “Le Cirque Des Pures Laines.”

And then there are the reactions by the usual suspects.

If Pauline’s Bill 195 was written into Canada’s constitution, where the majority speak English and she doesn’t, it would be illegal for her to hold public office and she would be out of a job.

Maybe we should lobby Ottawa !

In the end, the Parti Québécois are really just rednecks who speak French. I love the way they never want to apply the same rules to themselves as they apply to others. And they are so brazen about it.

For instance, they constantly talk about splitting up Canada but if you ever bring up the idea that if Canada is divisible then Quebec is also divisible, they go ballistic.

And in this case, as always, the division is not between Canada and Quebec, it is within Quebec itself. It is mainly about the difference between Montreal and the rest of Quebec. You would never hear such embarrassing anti-immigrant rhetoric being expressed in Montreal.

We love the mix. It’s what we are. It is — dare I say it — our identity !

Montreal is a nexus of influences : from Europe, from America, from Asia. We live in North America and the world ; not in a small-minded ghetto called Quebec. We are exposed to so many more different world views.

Like right-wing views from Fox News and left-wing views from the CBC.

But obviously people in the ROQ (Rest of Quebec) do not share our values. So perhaps, after we have created an independent State called Montreal, and written a Montreal constitution with a Montreal citizenship, if any retards from the regions wanted to immigrate here we would have to make sure that they learn our values first.

And the main value that they would learn from us is that we don’t think that any one of us has the God-given right to tell anyone else what religious observances they can or cannot obey or what language they can and cannot speak.

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